


Is Liverpool F.C. just crazy?

by LadyoftheKnight349



Series: LFC Craziness [1]
Category: Men's Football RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Magical Realism, Crack, F/M, Gen, Group chat, Incubus Lionel Messi, Kloppo here in spirit and mentioned, Liverpool F.C., M/M, Ox is a girl in this, secrets and truths revealed, set - Post Barcelona game
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-21
Updated: 2020-02-08
Packaged: 2021-01-24 05:49:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21333271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyoftheKnight349/pseuds/LadyoftheKnight349
Summary: The LFC Chat is a mess of magickals, supernatural beings and normal players both past and present. But they all once wore/wear the Liver Bird with pride, so should anything happen to one of them, the entire team will stand by their own...
Relationships: Dejan Lovren/Mohamed Salah, James Milner/Lionel Messi, Jordan Henderson/Adam Lallana, Pep Guardiola/Jürgen Klopp, Philippe Coutinho/Roberto Firmino, Sergio Agüero/Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain, Virgil van Dijk/Georginio Wijnaldum
Series: LFC Craziness [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1622359
Comments: 2
Kudos: 12





	1. Conquering the World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the aftermath of the UEFA Supercup win and Club World Cup win, the Liverpool squad are closing in on the only trophy to have avoided them in the past thirty years...the Premier League trophy

_YNWA_

**Harvey Elliott:** hey Millie, how exactly did you and Leo get Ox as your kid with Caoimhin as well?

**James Milner:** everyone knows Ox doesn't really get on with her Mum, right?

**Harvey Elliott:** yeah...

**Lionel Messi:** well, she didn't like Ox moving from London to Liverpool and said she was throwing away her career in Liverpool (Translated from Spanish)

**Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain:** oh, she said a lot worse than that, Leo. But when I got to the Champions League final in Kiev, she tried to wheedle her way back into my life, @Harvey Elliott, and I shut her straight back out since I couldn't forgive her for what she said when I moved to Liverpool after Lucas left

**Lucas Leiva:** did someone mention me?

**Ben Woodburn:** LUCAS! We miss you!

**Lucas Leiva:** Woody, calm down. Anyways, was someone mentioning why Ox moved to Liverpool?

**James Milner:** yeah, Lucas. Me, Ox and Leo were just explaining to the kiddies what happened with Ox and her mum to make her shut her out of her life

**Lucas Leiva:** I'm pretty sure the Gaffer got involved with this as well. Mark just was happy about letting his daughter follow her heart

**Fabinho:** Ox, didn't you eventually forgive your mum?

**Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain:** no, I never have and never will, even Chris didn't forgive her and Dad divorced her after I moved to Liverpool

**Sepp van den** **Berg:** Ox, does he play football as well, your brother?

**Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain:** yeah, Nott's County's Christian Oxlade-Chamberlain, proud to be his big sister. Being the fact I'm the daughter and niece of two former England internationals, Mark and Neville Chamberlain, puts a bit of a target on my back for International duty

**Lionel Messi:** Ox, what did you do? (Translated from Spanish)

**Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain:** ...oh, Ronaldo thought it was a good idea to punt me in the head when my Dad was in the crowd and let's just say Daddy Ox wasn't happy when he saw that

**Joe Gomez:** the look on his face when I told him that the 'weak girl' he nutted was actually Mark Chamberlain's daughter was _hilarious_! I thought he was gonna piss himself on the pitch...or leg it from a pissed Hendo

**Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain:** it was when he looked at me and then at Dad when he clocked onto who I was, @Joe Gomez. Uncle Nev says I look a lot like Dad when I'm pissed and Chris agrees

**Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain:** hey Joe, has anyone spoken to Stonsey about Raheem? I just wanna know if Guardiola punished him for what he did to you

**Joe Gomez:** no, Raheem didn't get punished since Pep wasn't there. The little rat went unpunished and the rest of City's boys weren't pleased and it wasn't as if Mikel had any authority since he was leaving for Arsenal after Emry got sacked

**Jordan Henderson:** yeah, reason Pep weren't around was he was taking the Gaffer to meet his parents in Catalonia

**Sepp van den Berg:** Gaffer's gay?

**Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain:** same as me, Sepp. Swings both ways, I left my ex because she got too clingy for my taste and she was jealous of me being around the lads all the time

**Jordan Henderson:** back on topic, when Pep got back, Arteta and Aguero told him and boy was he angry

**Virgil van Dijk:** hence why he wasn't playing matches for three weeks and Joe didn't get punished since he didn't do anything wrong

**Andrew Robertson:** had it been in my squad, I'd've killed the shite

**Sadio Mane:** probably best he isn't part of Liverpool anymore

**Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain: **glad he isn't since he was pretty sexist to me and Kun weren't happy

**Andy Lonergran:** wait, you and Kun are a couple?

**Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain:** yeah, Emre knows and he's just happy for me

**Sepp van den Berg:** um...Leo, c-can we ask you something?"

**Lionel Messi:** of course, what's wrong? (Translated from Spanish)

**Neco** **Williams:** it's about when we lost against Aston Villa in the Carabo Cup...

**Caoimhin Kelleher:**

**James Milner:** Caoimhin, Leo and I have been through this before with you, it wasn't your fault. You lads did your best and that's all we ask of you, it wasn't fair that you had to go against men twice your age and more experienced

**Lionel Messi:** James is right, Caoimhin. Remember when you lost in Camp Nou last season? I had you come home just to make sure you were fine, the match didn't matter, but you learned from that mistake at Anfield (Translated from Spanish)

_Jordan Henderson added Takumi Minamino to You'll Never Walk _ _Alone_

**Jordan Henderson:** boys, Leo, Ox, meet the newest member of the family

**Takumi Minamino:** hey everyone

**Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain:** hey, I remember you. You gave us a tough game at home, Minamino

**Joe Gomez:** welcome to Liverpool @Takumi Minamino

**Andy Lonergran:** in advanced warning...stay away from @Trent Alexander-Arnold for at least a month

**Lionel Messi:** it's a long story (Translated from Spanish)

**Takumi Minamino:** I heard from Robbo, @Lionel Messi. Thanks for the heads-up, @Andy Lonergran

**Trent Alexander-Arnold:** fresh meat...

**James Milner:** shit, Hendo...

**Jordan Henderson:** Trent, enough or I'll invoke that clause...

**Takumi Minamino:** Iesu Kirisuto, jigoku wa nanideshita ka?! What the hell was that?!

**Jordan Henderson:** right, that's it...

**Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain:** now you're for it, Trent. How many times do you have to piss Hendo off?

**Steve McManaman:** right, who did what, Hendo?

**Trent Alexander-Arnold:** uh oh...

**Adam Lallana:** don't even think about it, Trent. Face your punishment. You done the crime, do your time

**Steven Gerrard:** how many times does Jordan have to threaten you before he has to actually contact me, Redders and Macca?

**Jamie Redknapp:** Jordan's given you enough fair warnings, Trent. Now you've gone and done it, you're lucky I'm not around Freddie at the moment or he'd be asking me a million and a half questions about your 'Evil Baby' mode...

**Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain: **and that kids is how Trent joined The Black Parade...

**Trent Alexander-Arnold:** shut up, Ox

**Steven Gerrard:** Trent, Redders, Macca and I aren't done with you yet. Ox, knock it off with the Emo phase and go to bed

**Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain:** Emo isn't a phase, Stevie, it's a way of life and My Chemical Romance is a religion. Night guys


	2. A Missing Ox

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ox doesn't start the chat for once and the guys worry, then help Ox out with her mother issues again

_YNWA_

**Joel Matip:** uh, guys, where's Ox?

**Jordan Henderson:** no clue, Joel. Gaffer won't say anything. Millie, you and Leo have any clue?

**Lionel Messi:** all she said was that she was going out and that was it (Translated from Spanish)

**Fabinho:** guys, should we panic for once?

**Sepp van den Berg: **I think we should ask one of her boyfriend's teammates or Kun himself

**James Milner:** already asked, Kun's with her and the guys won't say anything

**Jordan Henderson:** Trent, go Evil Baby mode 1. Look for Ox

**Trent Alexander-Arnold:** thought we agreed I wasn't allowed to

**James Milner:** outside of Captain supervision, you're not

**Roberto Firmino:** Ox asked me to keep her hidden, sorry guys. She said and I quote 'tell the lads I'm fine, I'm with Kun, I forgot my phone charger and my phone died'

**Georginio Wijnaldum:** how'd she tell you if her phone died?

**Philippe Coutinho:** she used Kun's

**Virgil van Dijk:** who let Phil back in the chat?

**Roberto Firmino:** Fabi did, and yeah, I eventually forgave him for leaving to Spain. I'm not telling how, but let's say it took Ter Stegen, Fabi, Ali and Neymar to get my head out of my damn ass as Ox put it when I told her

**Lionel** **Messi:** about time, you two sorted something out

**Joe Gomez:** hey Leo, when'd you learn English?

**Lionel Messi:** ...

**James Milner:** hon, it's just like when we told the kids how we met and what you actually are

**Adrian San Miguel del Castillo:** and what's that, MIllie?

**Lionel Messi:** I was born a demon...

**Caoimhin Kelleher:** yeah, me and Ox have a Dad that's not exactly human

**Nathaniel Clyne:** dude, that's SO COOL! What kinda demo, @Lionel Messi?

**Lionel Messi:** an Incubus demon

**Lucas Leiva:** don't go into the details, Clyney, it's too much for your innocent mind

**Nathaniel** **Clyne:** shut up, Lucas

**Takumi Minamino:** Nath, back off Lucas a little. He's just looking out for your mental health

**Joel Matip:** back onto the main issue at hand guys, we have a missing Kun and Ox

**James Milner:** I just heard off Kun about where they are. Turns out he took Ox to see one of her favorite bands live

**Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain:** WE'LL CARRY ON! WE'LL CARRY ON! AND THOUGH YOU'RE DEAD AND GONE, BELIEVE ME, YOUR WEARY WIDOW MARCHES ON! HOLY SMOKES, I CAN'T BELIEVE KUN TOOK ME TO DOWNLOAD FESTIVAL IN JAPAN TO SEE MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE LIVE!

**Xherdan Shaqiri:** were they as good as you remember, Ox?

**Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain:** better and I can't believe I said that and I also got Gerard's signature on my Liverpool shirt

**Jordan Henderson: **you took your team shirt...

**Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain:** um...one of the band's a Liverpool fan, Hendo. Frank Iero's a Kopite

**Alisson Becker:** did you both have a good time though?

**Alex** **Oxlade-Chamberlain:** we did, thanks Ali

_Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain added Kun Aguero to YNWA_

**Kun Aguero:** Lex, hon, is there a reason I was added to your team chat?

**Trent** **Alexander-Arnold:** you're part of the family in a way, Aguero

**Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain:** stay away from my boyfriend with your bloody Evil Baby Mode, Trent or I swear I'll...

**Lionel Messi:** Alexandra Mary Davina Oxlade-Chamberlain, don't you even _dare_ finish that threat!

**Joe Gomez:** you're lucky, Kun. Any one of us calls her either 'Lexi' or 'Lex', we get beat up off her

**Kun Aguero:** I'll let my teammates know for next time, Sane called her that and Pep laughed after she kicked him in the nuts

**Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain:** thought he was gonna yell at me...

**Georginio** **Wijnaldum:** Ox, no offense, but you're too sweet and adorable to yell at. Red carded, yes, shout at? No

**Georginio Wijnaldum:** your mum's been calling you again, hasn't she?

**Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain:**

**Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain:** why does she hate me?

**Jordan Henderson:** Kun, is she crying?

**Kun Aguero:** yeah, she is. I swear to God, I hate her mother for what she put her through

**Takumi Minamino:** what happened with Ox and her mum?

**Xherdan Shaqiri:** it's hard to explain

**Takumi Minamino:**

**Lionel** **Messi:** we'll give you the short version. Ox's mum hates her for not being a 'normal' girl and kicked off when she moved to Liverpool and tried to get into her life again when she won the Champions League, didn't like it when Ox shut her out and then Ox's Dad divorced her

**Takumi Minamino:** and she still makes Ox's life a misery?

**Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain:**

**James Milner:** but she's got family who love her and care for her now

**Takumi Minamino:** she goes for Ox again, I'll kill her...

**Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain:** Takumi...

**Takumi Minamino:** when the fans called me the 'Scouse Samurai' and their 'Ninja', Ox, they were actually right about both

**Jordan Henderson:** right, I'll have a word with the gaffer about this, Takumi

**Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain:** thanks guys, I'm glad I got a boyfriend and a family who'll do anything to keep me safe

**Kun Aguero:** I'd do anything for my girl, Ox xxx

**Ki-Jana Hoever:** so would we Ox


	3. Horror Games Challenge: Ox vs Kane

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While Ox is off the chat online gaming with an injured Harry Kane, the chat is livened up when Trent winds Takumi up too far again...

_YNWA_

**Philippe Coutinho:** where's Ox, guys? It's too quiet around here

**Roberto Firmino:** haven't a clue, Phil. Hendo?

**Jordan Henderson:** I'm over at Millie and Leo's. She's upstairs on a game with Harry Kane

**Curtis Jones:** game?! Which one?

**James Milner:** _Five Nights At Freddy's_, @Curtis Jones. Kane wagered she couldn't make it past night two without getting scared

**Lionel Messi:** and from the sounds of it, she managed to not do that

**Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain:** I'm on night five FYI, Leo. AND KEEP THE NOISE DOWN WHILE I KICK KANE'S ASS!

**Fabinho:** and how long's Ox been online for?

**Joel Matip:** at least twenty minutes. You know what she's like

**Caoimhin Kelleher:** hey, Trent's too quiet Hendo...

**Takumi Minamino:** that's because he kept annoying me until I nearly skewered him

**Jordan Henderson:**

**Adam Lallana:** Jordan, I'll call Redders

**Jamie Redknapp:** right, what's happened this time? (piss off, Freddie. It's none of your business!) Sorry, Freddie was irritating me

**Jordan Henderson:** Trent pushed Takumi too far and our Samurai lashed out with a sword at him, yeah. Takumi owns a fair few with some throwing stars

**Jamie Redknapp:** Takumi, did he deserve that much?

**Takumi Minamino:** he wouldn't pack in the dumb Japan jokes and I just snapped

**Steven Gerrard:** Redders, I'll deal with Trent. You handle Minamino

**Jamie Redknapp:** I owe you one, Stevie. Takumi, you need to sort that out, try a less violent approach next time. Go to Hendo or Adam or best yet, threaten him with calling Macca, meself or Stevie. He's bound to pack it in if you back up a threat, especially if it's us

**Takumi Minamino:** thanks for the advice, Jamie. I'll take it into consideration

**Adam Lallana:**

**Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain:** right, I think I've punished Kane enough. What's been...

**Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain:** actually forget I asked

**Virgil van Dijk:** probably best, Ox

**Harvey Elliott:** hey, what's Andrew been yelling at Trent for?

**Alex Oxlade-Camberlain:** I'll explain later, Harvey. He pushed Takumi too far with his teasing and that's all I'm saying

**Harvey Elliott:** oh, alright. Did you win that bet with Kane?

**James Milner:** what bet?

**Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain:** Haz bet me how long it would take for Takumi to lash out at Trent if he didn't pack in teasing him and how far I would get in FNAF without getting jumpscared. Safe to say, he won the FNAF bet, but I won the other

**Sepp van den Berg:** guys, we kiddies have an apology to make...

**Curtis Jones:**

**Lionel Messi:** alright, you kids need to learn that match wasn't your fault. I wouldn't have put it past City bribing the referee to make you guys lose, no offense Kun

**Kun Aguero:** none taken, Leo. Honestly, Pep's furious with the owners at the moment. Yeah, we can compete in this CL season, but afterwards we're banned for two years because they fixed the accounting books and are now challenging the ruling when we players are content with it

**Jordan Henderson:** you guys work as hard as we do, but it's the 30 year dry spell that pushes Liverpool to get the Premier League, Kun. It isn't fair they punish the players when it's the owners who need to be punished

**Kun Aguero:** we might be able to sort this out, but after this is sorted, I might move to Liverpool after my contract expires. I'm not playing for them if they win this appeal

**Divock Origi:** I think that's worth it, but has anyone heard off Trent now? I know Redknapp and Stevie were having a go at him and Takumi

**Jamie Carragher:** it's sorted. They both know not to mess with each other now

**Jordan Henderson:** I owe you guys for this, Carra

**Steven Gerrard****:** next time, Hendo, just drive him up to Glasgow and I'll deal with him in person

**Jordan Henderson:** thanks Stevie. Hear that, @Trent Alexander-Arnold? Behave


End file.
